


jisoos take the wheel (and other nicknames)

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining, Texting, bc i am, cameos from 97 line, canon compliant i guess?, chan is a little shit but we all love him, chatfic, did u know im in love with siyeon, excessive use of smiley faces, i am a piece of shit for writing this, i have not decided what junhaos relationship status is yet, i love seungkwan and jisoo does it show, i lvoe maknae line, maknae invasion, maybe some plot later, minghao has some b a d predebut pics, most of the screen names are puns, my sister made me write this i blame her :), no angst for now, no plot?, now introducing: china line!, pristin appear in this a lot, this is completely self indulgent im sorry, verkwan is together and happy and in love, what happened to seungcheol's phone?? no one knows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 15:56:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12084348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: angel has removed june  from the chatangel: anyway,, as i was saying,,angel: greetings loved ones(Hansol and Seungkwan are happy and in love. Mingyu and Wonwoo are happy, sort of, and not in love with each other, thankyouverymuch. Jeonghan is in love and happy (not really) to pine from a distance. Seokmin is happy, period. Junhui just came here to have a good time and he's honestly feeling so attacked right now. And what happened to Seungcheol's phone?)





	1. junhui has a punchable face

**Author's Note:**

> this was almost titled 'sub standard kim heechul (and other nicknames)' but i decided i liked this title better  
> also i had finished this chapter and then realised seokmin didnt appear in it??? and minghao only had like 2 lines??? so i added more lol
> 
> like honestly the names are p easy to figure out most of them are puns tbh,, i lov puns

**_angel_** _has created a new chat_  
**angel** has added **jisoos take the wheel and 11 others** to the chat  
**angel** has promoted **jisoos take the wheel** to admin  
**angel** has renamed the chat **Ice Cold Doctor Pepper**  
  
angel: greetings loved ones

 **infinitea:** what the fuck

 **angel:** i made a group chat

 **scoops:** I'm terrified

 **fairy:** what the fuck  
**fairy:** why is this my name

 **angel:** take a wild guess jihoonie

 **fairy:** change it

 **angel:** okay

 **_angel_ ** _has changed **fairy** ’s name to **cute fairy**_

 **cute fairy:** choke

 **angel:** aww but it’s a cute name

 **cute fairy:** literally fuck off before i cut u

 **angel:** a _hem_

 **cute fairy:** literally fuck off before i cut u, _hyung_

 **hoeshi:** it is a pretty cute name  
**hoeshi:** i like it

 **cute fairy:** i guess it’s staying anyway, not like jeonghan hyung is gonna change it

 **rawr:** ah, young love

 **cute fairy:** the fuck do u mean by that

 **jisoos take the wheel:** jihoon

 **cute fairy:** the f*ck do u mean by that**

 **rawr:** nothing hyung

 

 **boo boo bitch:** ok we get it ur all kinds of Whipped  
**boo boo bitch:** what i wanna kno is  
boo boo bitch: what’s up with the chat name why is it like that  
**boo boo bitch:** it’s hideous

 **june:** ice cold doctor pepper more like red HOT doctor pepper  
**june:**

**infinitea:** go away i hate you

 **han solo:** what,, the fuc k

 **_angel_ ** _has removed **june** from the chat_

 **angel:** anyway,, as i was saying,,  
**angel:** greetings loved ones  
**angel:** i made this chat so that we can stop yelling to each other  
**angel:** of all my loved ones

 **lucky won:** so why is mingyu in here?

 **Nastie:** i have literally never done anything EVER why are you attacking me like this

 **angel:** no, no  
**angel:** wonwoo’s got a point why _are_ you here?

 **_angel_ ** _has removed **Nastie** from the chat_

 **cute fairy:** while ur at it remove me too thanks

 **angel:** no

 **cute fairy:** do i really gotta do everything myself

 **_cute fairy_ ** _has left the chat_

 **_angel_ ** _has added **cute fairy** to the chat_

 **cute fairy:** why are u like this

 

 

 

 

**Private Message [mingew] + [fake mum]**

**mingew:** add me back

 **fake mum:** why should i do that

 **mingew:** i cook for you

 **fake mum:** ok and

 **mingew:** watch me give you the worst portion at dinner

 **fake mum:** ok and

 **mingew:** wow ok  
**mingew:** i didnt want to have to resort to this but  
**mingew:**

  
**mingew:** want to see more? add me back

 **fake mum:** fuck

 

 

 

 

**Group- Ice Cold Doctor Pepper**

**_angel_ ** _has added **Nastie** to the chat_

 **Nastie:** thanks

 **lucky won:** why would you let him back in

 **angel:** he had a very compelling argument

 **Nastie:** damn right i did

 **_jisoos take the wheel_ ** _has added **june** to the chat_

 **jisoos take the wheel:** don’t remove the members

 **angel:** …

 **jisoos take the wheel:** hannie no don’t be mean

 **angel:** fine

 **Nastie:** *cough*Whipped™

 **angel:** i dont know what youre talking about

 **june:** thank you jisoos, lord and saviour

 **jisoos take the wheel:** don’t make me regret adding you back, jun

 **june:** OK  
**june:** hey haohao  
**june:** is this love at first sight? or should i walk by again

 **infinitea:** you spat on me the first time we met

 **june:** :(

 

 

 

 

**Group- the BEST trio**

**seok:** what happens when a centaur and a human have a child  
**seok:** is the child all human or all centaur or is it a weird mix of the two like a faun or smth

 **soon:** you know that photo of lil wayne in a swimming pool and he’s got hooves

 **seok:** no but i think i get the idea

 **boo:** hyung  
**boo:** fauns are half goat not horse

 **seok:** they are??  
**seok:** in that case i meant the horse version of a faun then

 **boo:** i think you need to sleep hyung

 **seok:** but it’s only ten :(

 

 

 

 

**Group- Ice Cold Doctor Pepper**

**han solo:** i slept for four hours and now i feel like i’m on drugs  
**han solo:** or like i’ve travelled through time  
**han solo:** or both

 **rawr:** you need eight hours of sleep

 **han solo:** false

 **rawr:** yOu nEEd

 **han solo:** youre younger than me you cant tell me what to do

 **rawr:** :(

 **cute fairy:** are u saying anyone older than u can order u around?  
**cute fairy:** in that case  
**cute fairy:** do my laundry hansol  
**cute fairy:** and chan’s too while ur at it

 **han solo:** why are you so mean to me hyung

 **cute fairy:** why are u so mean to chan?

 **han solo:** he’s younger than me  
**han solo:** it’s basically in the job description to be mean to him

 **cute fairy:** …

 **han solo:** fuck

 **rawr:** haha thanks hyung

 **boo boo bitch:** it’s six am shut the fuck up

 **han solo:** sorry

 **boo boo bitch:** you don’t sound very sorry

 **han solo:** i’m not

 **boo boo bitch:** choi

 **han solo:** boo

 **boo boo bitch:** you wanna catch these hands??  
**boo boo bitch:** i won’t hesitate

 **han solo:** i’d rather catch that heart  
**han solo:** if you get my drift ;)

 **boo boo bitch:** you can’t catch what you’ve already got, hansol

 **han solo:** babe  
**han solo:** <3

 **angel:** lookslike a pointy dicc

 **han solo:** it’s a fucking heart hyung what the fuck

 **boo boo bitch:** we were having a MOMENT and you just ruined it???  
**boo boo bitch:** i am INSULTED

 **angel:** have your moment somewhere where it won’t wake up everyone else, bitch

 **boo boo bitch:** you know hyung, if you just stopped your pining from afar  
**boo boo bitch:** and CONFESSED  
**boo boo bitch:** you could be doing this too :)

 **angel:** i don’t know what you’re talking about

 **boo boo bitch:** no, you know _exactly_ what i’m talking about

 **angel:** sorry i can’t read all of a sudden, i don’t know

 

 

 

 

**Private Message [hansol <3] + [seungkwan<3]**

**hansol <3: **come cuddle me

 **seungkwan <3: **no you woke me up

 **hansol <3: **please? i’ll go back to sleep with you

 **seungkwan <3: **…  
**seungkwan <3: **fine

 **hansol <3: **i love you

 **seungkwan <3: **love you too

 

 

 

 

**Group- Ice Cold Doctor Pepper**

**_angel_ ** _has changed **june’s** name to **substandard kim heechul**_

 **jisoos take the wheel:** hannie

 **angel:** shua let me have this  
**angel:** just this once

 **jisoos take the wheel:** …  
**jisoos take the wheel:** on two conditions

 **angel:** deal

 **_jisoos take the wheel_ ** _has changed the chat name to **Say the name…**_

 **_jisoos take the wheel_ ** _has changed **angel’s** name to **archangel**_

 **jisoos take the wheel:** there we go :)

 **substandard kim heechul:** do i get a say in this situation

 **jisoos take the wheel:** no

 **archangel:** shua

 **jisoos take the wheel:** if you even think about changing your name i’m changing jun’s name back

 **archangel:** nvm

**Group- cHEcK iN**

**Vernon:** i’m gay and in love

 **wonwow:** we get it hansol u and seungkwan are goals

 **Vernon:** you could have that too if you just  
**Vernon:** you know,,

 **_wonwow_ ** _has removed **Vernon** from the chat_

 **mincook:** wonu

 **wonwow:** hmm?

 **mincook:** add him back

 **wonwow:** i’m blind suddenly i can’t see

 **mincook:** wonwoo

 **wonwow:** b l i n d

 **mincook:** u wanna play dirty?  
**mincook:** two words: seungcheol’s phone

 **wonwow:** i literally hate you so fucking much  
**wonwow:** and it’s seungcheol _hyung_

 **mincook:** yes but then that would be three words and my initial statement would be obsolete

 **_wonwow_ ** _has added **Vernon** to the chat_

 **S Coups:** what’s this about my phone?

 **wonwow:** nOTHing hyung :)

 **mincook:** no need to worry yourself

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**substandard kim heechul:** hey haohao

 **infinitea:** what do you want

 **substandard kim heechul:** did you sit in a pile of sugar?

 **infinitea:** go away

 **substandard kim heechul:** because your ass is pretty sweet ;)

 **infinitea:** goodbye

 **_infinitea_ ** _has left the chat_

 **substandard kim heechul:** :(

 

 

 

 

 **almighty sun:** did minghao just punch junhui

 **lucky won:** he deserved it

 **substandard kim heechul:** :(

 **_archangel_ ** _has added **infinitea** to the chat_

 **infinitea:** did you guys know that jun has a very punchable face

 **substandard kim heechul:** why is everyone attacking me now

 **infinitea:** you deserve it


	2. chan is NOT a child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like idek what this is but whatev
> 
> there'll be a proper kind of plot coming, maybe, idk, if i can think of smth

**Group- Say the name…**

**lucky won:** hey guys wanna hear a joke

 **hoeshi:** ok

 **Nastie:** not really

 **lucky won:** well fuck you too  
**lucky won:** anyway,, ****  
lucky won: Australians don’t have sex…  
**lucky won:** they mate

 **Nastie:** no

 **lucky won:** wait i have more

 **Nastie:** no

 **lucky won:** what did the egg say to the boiling water?  
**lucky won:** it’ll be a minute before i get hard, i just got laid by a chick

 **scoops:** wonwoo not in front of the kids

 **lucky won:** sorry hyung

 **Nastie:** i’m burning all your books

 **lucky won:** boi if you put a _finger_ on any one of them

 **Nastie:** fucking _watch me,_ hyung

 **rawr:** im not a kid

 **han solo:** you kind of are, chan

 **scoops:** so are you hansol  
**scoops:** seungkwan too  
**scoops:** note that i said kidS, plural

 **han solo:** hyung :(

 **rawr:** hyung why

 **boo boo bitch:** me?? a kid??? the diSRESPECT

 **scoops:** calm down kids

 **boo boo bitch:** i’m insulted??  
**boo boo bitch:** that joke was terrible anyway wonwoo hyung

 **infinitea:** that was literally the worst joke i’ve ever read

 **substandard kin heechul:** i laughed

 **infinitea:** yeah but you’re… you

 **substandard kim heechul:** whats that supposed to mean

 **infinitea:** nothign

 **lucky won:** minghao you are like an oven

 **infinitea:** why

 **substandard kim heechul:** because he’s hot? i’m an oven too then

 **lucky won:** no  
**lucky won:** bc he roasts jun

 **infinitea:** …  
**infinitea:** i will allow that joke

 **substandard kim heechul:** why does everyone like attacking me  
**substandard kim heechul:** wonwoo i laughed at ur jokes for u

 **infinitea:** sorry it’s just so fun

 **lucky won:** jun you laugh at literally every joke i’m not special

 

 

 

 

**Group- Vocals**

**dk:** i have a marker stuck in my nose helo

 **seungkwan:** its me

 **dk:** help*

 **seungkwan:** i was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet

 **jeonghan:** that’s an old song, seungkwan

 **seungkwan:** hmm do you think i care hyung

 **dk:** THER E IS A MARKER STUCKBIN MY NOSE

 **woozi:** why

 **jeonghan:** that’s cool  
**jeonghan:** take it out

 **dk:** nono the cap is stuck

 **joshua:** how did you manage to do that?

 **jeonghan:** take it out

 **dk:** it’s all good now i blew it out of my nose  
**dk:** it’s across the room now

 **seungkwan:** whaT THE FUCK HYUNG

 **dk:** i threw it

 **seungkwan:** aND IT LANDED ON ME  
**seungkwan:** NASTIE

 **joshua:** ok but how did you get it stuck

 **dk:** it was small but wide and my nostril is apparently not meant for marker caps

 **seungkwan:** NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT HYUNG

 **joshua:** how did it get there in the first place though

 **dk:** i put it there  
**dk:** absentmindedly

 **jeonghan:** good job

 **seungkwan:**???? _?????_

 **joshua:** how-  
**joshua:** you know what, never mind

 **woozi:** i hate this entire chat

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**rawr:** row row row your boat  
**rawr:** gently down the stream ****  
rawr: p u s h t h e l e a d e r o v e r b o a r d ****  
rawr: l i s t e n t o h i m s c r e a m

 **archangel:** chan, honey,,

 **rawr:** im not a child :(

 **hoeshi:** which leader are you talking about???

 **cute fairy:** who do u think  
**cute fairy:** there are exactly three people who call chan a child and only one of them is a leader

 **scoops:** but you _are_ a child  
**scoops:** you’re more than two years younger than me and therefore are a child

 **rawr:** that’s not how it works

 **scoops:** that’s not how it works _hyung_

 **rawr:** you don’t need to call me hyung, hyung

 **archangel:** chan,, my favourite child whom i birthed myself  
**archangel:** have i ever told you how much i love you

 **rawr:** no hyung you usually just make me call you your baby

 **archangel:** yeah because you are

 **rawr:** i’m not but ok hyung

 **cute fairy:** see this is why chan is my second favourite

 **archangel:** and who’s your favourite, jihoonie?

 **cute fairy:** not u  
**cute fairy:** ur at least second last if not last

 **archangel:** im hurt but i knew it was coming  
**archangel:** so who is it then??

 **rawr:** you say this as if we don’t all know already, hyung

 **cute fairy:** if u all already know why the fuck should i tell u

 **jisoos take the wheel:** jihoon.

 **cute fairy:** why the f*ck should i tell u

 **hoeshi:** i don’t know who it is :(

 **archangel:** of course you fucking don’t  
**archangel:** jihoon is so OBVIOUS about it but of course _you_ don’t know who it is  
**archangel:** when did my children become so oblivious???

 **cute fairy:** its not that obvious  
**cute fairy:** also why did jisoo hyung correct me when i swore but not jeonghan hyung

 **rawr:** sorry hyung it really is

 **hoeshi:** what?

 **jisoos take the wheel:** did hannie swear haha i didn’t realise

 **hoeshi:** jihoonie who’s your favourite?? why am i the only one who doesn’t know?

 **cute fairy:** its not important  
**cute fairy:** the others are probably lying anyway

 **hoeshi:** if you say so…

 

 

 

 

 **boo boo bitch:** Hansol and I are on a date are you jealous yet

 **substandard kim heechul:** im eating ass

 **jisoos take the wheel:** jun please

 **infinitea:** u are what u eat

 **substandard kim heechul:** ;)  
**substandard kim heechul:** I don’t remember eating fucking perfection

 **infinitea:** well then u haven’t eaten me yet  
**infinitea:** wait  
**infinitea:** no

 **boo boo bitch:** kinky  
**boo boo bitch:** HANSOL JUST CHOKED ON HIS FOOD

 **infinitea:** I didn’t mean it like that  
**infinitea:** fuck off

 **substandard kim heechul:** i’ve definitely eaten perfection then ;)

 **infinitea:** i hate you

 **substandard kim heechul:** you love me

 **infinitea:** maybe

 

 

 

**Nastie:** wonu **  
Nastie:** hyung

 **lucky won:** hmm

 **Nastie:** stop telling our fans that you hate me

 **lucky won:** but i do hate you

 **Nastie:** that’s a lie

 **lucky won:** i abhor you

 **Nastie:** also a lie

 **lucky won:** i have never lied once in my life, _ever_

 **Nastie:** seungcheol hyung’s phone

 **lucky won:** i can’t stand you

 **archangel:** but he would also take a bullet for you, you know how love works xx

 **lucky won:** i wouldn’t do that but ok hyung

 **rawr:** i would take a bullet for Michael Jackson

 **cute fairy:** he’s already dead

 **rawr:** so?? would still take a bullet for him

 **infinitea:** i wouldn’t take a bullet for anyone **  
****infinitea:** why would i willingly die

 **substandard kim heechul:** not even me?

 **infinitea:** no

 **substandard kim heechul:** :(

 **infinitea:** …  
**infinitea:** but i would kill a man for you

 **substandard kim heechul:** :D

**scoops:** what’s this about my phone??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 97 liner chat appears next chapter :)


	3. bts dna has me SHOOK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was only gna include one cameo from 97 line but then dna dropped and i am DEAD so
> 
> 97 line names:  
> bambam- double d  
> yugyeom- dancing d  
> jungkook- golden d  
> mingyu- rap d  
> minghao- d-boy  
> seokmin- sunshine d  
> jaehyun- ghost d

**Group- dick city**

**golden d:** hey not to brag but our mv was just released and i look hot as fuck in it

**sunshine d:** i saw it!! it looked incredible

**ghost d:** yeah you guys did a really good job on this one

**d-boy:** you should teach me the dance sometime  
**d-boy:** also soonyoung hyung wants to see the full dance

**rap d:** we all had a viewing party of it  
**rap d:** jeonghan hyung let out a dreamy sigh when he saw jin hyung  
**rap d:** and i swear i saw jisoo hyung death glare jin on screen

**dancing d:** i haven’t seen it yet

**golden d:** wow i am hurt,, and offended  
**golden d:** you haven’t seen the beauty that is me in the video

**sunshine d:** you looked alright

**golden d:** wrong  
**golden d:** i looked fucking incredible

 

**sunshine d:** no you know who looked incredible?  
**sunshine d:** everyone else but mostly taehyung hyung

**ghost d:** relaTE

**d-boy:** i would leave jun for taehyung hyung tbh  
**d-boy:** like those visuals?? damn  
**d-boy:** why would i stay with a lesser kim heechul when there’s kim taehyung

**golden d:** bitch no the fuck u wont

**d-boy:** hypothetically, jungkook  
**d-boy:** i ain’t gonna kiss anyone your nasty ass has

**golden d:** why do i stay in this chat again

**dancing d:** we’re literally your only friends outside of bts you’re kind of stuck with us

**golden d:** youre not allowed to speak you haven’t even seen the video yet

**dancing d:** hmm but i have  
**dancing d:** the dancing was pretty good ngl

**golden d:** right???

**double d:** hey jungkookie  
**double d:** tell namjoon hyung if he ever gets tired of you guys he’s welcome to trade places with jackson hyung

**dancing d:** im telling hyung you said that

**double d:** i don’t care  
**double d:** jackson hyung can kiss my ass

**golden d:** namjoon hyung said he doesn’t think he could handle bambam  
**golden d:** sorry bro

**double d:** just make him think about it for a bit  
**double d:** got7 will be so much better off without jackJNSKDskhjssj

**rap d:** ha did jackson find bambam  
**rap d:** rip bambam  
**rap d:** we aint gonna miss you

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**han solo:** you know come to think of it  
**han solo:** scientifically, it’s real fucked up that we drink animal milk  
**han solo:** like we’re the only species that drinks milk from another species  
**han solo:** u ever seen a rhino drink milk from a giraffe??? no

**substandard kim heechul:** you don’t see a rhino drink from a giraffe because baby rhinos are too small??

**han solo:**  


**boo boo bitch:** hansolie are you okay

**han solo:** i’m not sure  
**han solo:** i drank a whole can of monster energy and i can feel my blood  
**han solo:** jihoon hyung how do you manage this

**cute fairy:** ive built up a tolerance

**hoeshi:** jihoonie energy drinks are bad for you  
**hoeshi:** you too hansol

**cute fairy:** theyre also the only things that keep me awake in the studio so??  
**cute fairy:** im here for a good time not a long time

**hoeshi:** you shouldn’t stay up so late either  
**hoeshi:** we get worried about you when you’re up until 4 every morning

**cute fairy:** i know  
**cute fairy:** im getting better at going to bed on time, soonyoung

**hoeshi:** yeah because i come collect you every night  
**hoeshi:** if im not there to collect you you’ll end up sleeping in the studio

**cute fairy:** one or two all nighters don’t hurt me

**hoeshi:** i just don’t like to see you tired all the time  
**hoeshi:** you need to rest too

**jisoos take the wheel:** one time i tried to collect jihoon when soonyoung couldn’t  
**jisoos take the wheel:** he just hissed at me and told me to fuck off

**cute fairy:** fuck off

**jisoos take the wheel:** see! like that

**boo boo bitch:** did jisoo hyung just swear

**jisoos take the wheel:** i have no idea what you’re talking about  
**jisoos take the wheel:** i have never sworn once in my life

**boo boo bitch:** sounds fake but ok  
**boo boo bitch:** hansol go for a run  
**boo boo bitch:** i want cuddles but i don’t want you hyper

**han solo:** okay

 

 

 

 

**Group- dick city**

**rap d:** hey guys what would you say if i told you i accidentally flushed a book down the toilet

**double d:** reading is for losers anyway

**ghost d:** what book was it

**rap d:** would you believe me if i said it was 50 shades of grey

**d-boy:** no one owns that book mingyu  
**d-boy:** so no

**rap d:** ugh  
**rap d:** it was the seventh day

**d-boy:** i’m telling wonwoo hyung

**rap d:** NO DON’T PELASE MIGHAO

**golden d:** mighao

**ghost d:** mighao

**dancing d:** mighao

**sunshine d:** mighao

**rap d:** shuT UP IM PANICKING  
**rap d:** what do i do???

**golden d:** die

**sunshine d:** no don’t do that i still want decent food sometimes

**golden d:** die for a little bit

**rap d:**  i have never met a single person less helpful than you

**golden d:** ur welcome ;)

**rap d:** someone other than jungkook help me

**golden d:** but seriously mingyu u gotta just apologise

**dancing d:** yeah that usually works for me too

**rap d:** yes but see  
**rap d:** you’re both the maknaes  
**rap d:** i don’t have that privilege  
**rap d:** not to mention jungkook looks perpetually twelve  
**rap d:** he can get away with anything

**golden d:** i take offense to that

**rap d:** seokmin  
**rap d:** minghao **  
rap d:** what do i do

**double d:** why didn’t u ask me :(

**rap d:** you’re just as unhelpful as jungkook  
**rap d:** you’ll probably tell me to pretend like someone stole the books and is demanding a ransom  
**rap d:** and then you’ll say i just need to dab and everything will be fine

**double d:** not true  
**double d:** u’d have to dab five times

**rap d:** how has your group not killed you yet??

**dancing d:** too much paperwork  
**dancing d:** mingyu pretend like you have no idea what happened maybe that’ll work

**rap d:** i’ll try that

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**Nastie:** hi

**lucky won:** shut the fuck up

**Nastie:** i said ONE word

**lucky won:** :)

**Nastie:** why are you always like this

**lucky won:** :)

**Nastie:** what did I do this time??

**lucky won:** jeonghan hyung

**archangel:** yes?

**lucky won:** can you make me admin i want to change mingyu’s name

**_archangel_ ** _has made **lucky won** admin_

**_lucky won_ ** _has changed **Nastie’s** name to **life ruiner**_

**lucky won:** where’s my copy of the seventh day mingyu

**life ruiner:** i don’t know  
**life ruiner:** maybe jun hyung has it?

**infinitea:** HA  
**infinitea:** mingyu flushed it down the toilet

**life ruiner:** minghao you absolute _snake_ ** _  
_****life ruiner:** why would you do this :(

**infinitea:** you shouldn’t lie to your hyungs, mingyu **  
****infinitea:** and besides, i found out first i didn’t want to be held accountable

**lucky won:** mingyu

**life ruiner:** im sorry hyung it was an accident i’ll get a new copy

**lucky won:** how do you accidentally flush a book down the toilet

**life ruiner:** whoops gotta go water the cat byE

**lucky won:** we don’t- **  
****lucky won:** minghao did mingyu tell you how he managed to flush it down the toilet

**infinitea:** it was because of your jokes, hyung **  
****infinitea:** he wanted vengeance

**life ruiner:** no it was an accident i swear

**lucky won:** but why did you bring it into the bathroom

**life ruiner:** i was just gonna hide it **  
****life ruiner:** then i tripped

**infinitea:** like i said **  
****infinitea:** because of your jokes

**Private Message [wonu] + [mingyeah]**

**wonu:** buy me a new copy and one of yu hua’s new books and maybe i’ll forgive you

**mingyeah:** or i could buy you a new copy and not tell seungcheol hyung about his phone and you can forgive me, hyung

**wonu:** are you blackmailing me?? again?? **  
****wonu:** brat

**mingyeah:** you want seungcheol hyung to know what happened to his phone?

**wonu:** no?? he’ll kill me **  
****wonu:** why are you acting like you had nothing to do with it

**mingyeah:** im younger and therefor will not get into trouble

**wonu:** that’s not how it works

**mingyeah:** it kind of is, hyung

**wonu:** whatever **  
****wonu:** just get me the damn book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's up with seungcheol's phone?? will hansol be okay after he chugged one (1) full can of energy?? find out next time ;)


	4. maknae invasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry my nicknaming skills flew out the window after dick city, im sorry all the names in the sub chats are terrible lmaoo
> 
> heres a chapter dedicated to the maknae line bc theyre not in it enough and i love them  
> enjoy my inability to think of original pranks :) honestly idk how to think of this chapter :/ im

**Group- Maknaezzz**

**eagle 3:** how easy is it to get away with murder

**eagle 2:** chan are you okay

**eagle 1:** i would say pretty easy   
**eagle 1:** if you know where to hide the body   
**eagle 1:** also depends on who it is   
**eagle 1:** for example, if you were to murder minghao hyung you would be in jail in .2 seconds   
**eagle 1:** jun hyung on the other hand,,

**eagle 2:** don’t encourage him

**eagle 3:** it’s literally everyone except you two, jihoon hyung and jisoo hyung

**eagle 2:** what did they do this time

**eagle 3:** what don’t they do, hyung

**eagle 2:** ur right im sorry chan   
**eagle 2:** please don’t kill them though

**eagle 1:** at least not physically   
**eagle 1:** chan, i don’t know exactly what they’ve done   
**eagle 1:** but how do you feel about having some fun with them?

**eagle 3:** what do you mean by that

**eagle 1:** i want you and hansol to distract seungcheol hyung for me   
**eagle 1:** make sure he doesn’t have his phone with him

**eagle 2:** seungkwan no

**eagle 1:** seungkwan yes

**eagle 2:** …   
**eagle 2:** fine i’ll help

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**boo boo bitch:** hey seungcheol hyung?

**scoops:** yes seungkwan?

**boo boo bitch:** me and hansol are gonna get super drunk tonight is that okay

**scoops:** what??   
**scoops:** of course, seungkwan is the best and i would do anything for him

**boo boo bitch:** damn hyung, i was kidding but if you’re really going to let me

**scoops:** wait   
**scoops:** of course, seungkwan is the best and i would do anything for him

**boo boo bitch:** it’s okay hyung, i already know i’m the best   
**boo boo bitch:** there’s no need to repeat it

**scoops:** that’s not what i meant to say   
**scoops:** i meant to say of course, seungkwan is the best and i would do anything for him

**jisoos take the wheel:** what did you do, seungkwan

**boo boo bitch:** absolutely nothing hyung   
**boo boo bitch:** seungcheol hyung is saying all of this at his own free will

**scoops:** im not   
**scoops:** im trying to say of course, seungkwan is the best and i would do anything for him but everytime i say of course, seungkwan is the best and i would do anything for him it changes to of course, seungkwan is the best and i would do anything for him

**rawr:** aww hyung, don’t you know how to turn autocorrect off?   
**rawr:** are you this bad with technology?

**boo boo bitch:** proof that seungcheol hyung is a Whole Dad

**scoops:** chan help me how do i stop this

**rawr:** why would i help you, hyung

**scoops:** chan please   
**scoops:** im your leader you should be doing what i say

**rawr:** sorry im blind i cant see all of a sudden i don’t know

 

 

 

 

**Group- Maknaez**

**eagle 3:** how did you manage to do that hyung

**eagle 1:** did you know seungcheol hyung doesn’t have a passcode

**eagle 3:** no way   
**eagle 3:** i thought he was smarter than that   
**eagle 3:** that really made my day, hyung

**eagle 1:** of course it did, i’m incredible   
**eagle 1:** but you mentioned that everyone has done you wrong, yes?

**eagle 3:** except jihoon hyung and jisoo hyung, yeah

**eagle 1:** are you thinking what i’m thinking, chan?

**eagle 2:** seungkwannie no we aren’t waging a war on the hyungs   
**eagle 2:** as fun as it sounds..

**eagle 1:** not a war, per say

**eagle 3:** just a little fun!!   
**eagle 3:** if we’re kids in the eyes of the others then we should pull the most basic pranks that kids pull

**eagle 1:** hansollie, help us

**eagle 2:** if i help you   
**eagle 2:** youre cuddling with me tonight

**eagle 1:** deal

**eagle 2:** and chan?   
**eagle 2:** we’re doing something to jisoo hyung and jihoon hyung too

**eagle 3:** why

**eagle 2:** we don’t want them to feel left out do we?

**eagle 1:** don’t lie you have beef with jisoo

**eagle 2:** he once told me my knowledge of America was subpar and couldn’t be compared to his   
**eagle 2:** i want to get him back for that

**eagle 3:** okay but hyung   
**eagle 3:** he  _ did  _ live in America for longer than you

**eagle 2:** that’s not?? my point??   
**eagle 2:** my point is he insulted me and i want revenge

**eagle 1:** hmm ok so are we gonna do this in alphabetical order? idk about you but i want Jeonghan hyung to be last, make it the grand finale, the piece de resistance

**eagle 3:** i agree lets start with jun hyung   
**eagle 3:** hansolie, youre good at making cat noises aren’t you

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**substandard kim heechul:** guys   
**substandard kim heechul:** did someone bring a cat home

**scoops:** i don’t think so   
**scoops:** why

**substandard kim heechul:** i can hear cat noises   
**substandard kim heechul:** chan, seungkwan, youre in the room with me   
**substandard kim heechul:** did one of you bring a cat in?

**rawr:** no hyung

**boo boo bitch:** i don’t hear anything, hyung   
**boo boo bitch:** you sure youre not just imagining it?

**substandard kim heechul:** no i am POSITIVE there is a cat in here

**rawr:** hyung i cant hear anything you might need to get your ears checked out :/

**substandard kim heechul:** are you fucking with me   
**substandard kim heechul:** someone else come in and tell me you can hear the cat noises too

**jisoos take the wheel:** jun don’t swear   
**jisoos take the wheel:** i’ll come just wait

 

 

 

 

**Private Message [LA boi] + [NY boi]**

**NY boi:** jisoo hyung when you come in pretend not to hear anything   
**NY boi:** i’m hiding under a bed making the noises

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**jisoos take the wheel:** i don’t hear anything

**substandard kim heechul:** are you sure??

**boo boo bitch:** hey everyone are you ready

**substandard kim heechul:** ready for what?

**lucky won:** for what?

**rawr:** 3

**life ruiner:** im a little scared ngl

**rawr:** 2

**archangel:** what’s happening chan

**rawr:** 1

**boo boo bitch:** go!

**infinitea:** …   
**infinitea:** did jun just scream

**han solo:** yes he did   
**han solo:** i scared him   
**han solo:** it was hilarious

**substandard kim heechul:** i feel betrayed   
**substandard kim heechul:** attacked   
**substandard kim heechul:** will i ever trust anyone again??

**boo boo bitch:** hbdjskkjd   
**boo boo bitch:** we get it hyunfnd yourd an scitnf

**scoops:** is seungkwan okay?

**substandard kim heechul:** you ask if seungkwan is okay but not me? i’m hurt

**jisoos take the wheel:** he’s fine, seungcheol   
**jisoos take the wheel:** he might burst a lung from laughing but he’s fine right now

 

 

 

 

**Group- Maknaez**

**eagle 3:** that was incredible

**eagle 1:** damn right   
**eagle 1:** there are a few we can set up now   
**eagle 1:** chan, can you sneak into jihoon hyung’s studio?

**eagle 3:** probably

**eagle 1:** good   
**eagle 1:** hansolie, find the most American song you know   
**eagle 1:** if it cusses a lot it’s even better

**eagle 2:** i know exactly what to use

**eagle 1:** fantastic   
**eagle 1:** now steal jisoo hyung’s phone   
**eagle 1:** im gonna handle soonyoung hyung

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**cute fairy:** okay who the fuck taped an air horn onto my chair??   
**cute fairy:** i almost had a heart attack

**jisoos take the wheel:** jihoon

**cute fairy:** hyung i nearly died i think i’m allowed to cuss

**jisoos take the wheel:** .. fair enough

**boo boo bitch:** you shouldn’t be in your studio this late hyung   
**boo boo bitch:** its 9pm, come do something with the rest of us

**cute fairy:** seungkwan i swear to god if it was you

**boo boo bitch:** it wasn’t!!

**rawr:** it was his idea though   
**rawr:** and hansol hyung was the one who wanted to prank you

**boo boo bitch:** this chat is full of snakes

**cute fairy:** seungkwan   
**cute fairy:** sleep with one eye open

**hoeshi:** it’s okay jihoon, you really shouldn’t be in your studio now anyway   
**hoeshi:** come watch a movie with me   
**hoeshi:** i have icecream

**cute fairy:** fine   
**cute fairy:** i’ll be there in five minutes

**archangel:** have fun on your date!!

**cute fairy:** choke

**archangel:** im sure that’s exactly what you would like to do

**scoops:** jeonghan there are kids here   
**scoops:** keep this pg

**archangel:** sorry not sorry

**jisoos take the wheel:** hannie.

**archangel:** im sorry jihoonie i wont tease you and soonyoung about your obvious pining anymore

**jisoos take the wheel:** why are you like this

**archangel:** don’t lie   
**archangel:** you love me

**jisoos take the wheel:** mmhmm

**cute fairy:** hold up   
**cute fairy:** why is soonyoung on the floor writhing in pain

**jisoos take the wheel:** what??

**cute fairy:** oh wait nevermind   
**cute fairy:** seungkwan did you put chilli oil in soonyoung’s icecream

**boo boo bitch:** why do you automatically think it was me

**cute fairy:** seungkwan.

**boo boo bitch:** yeah it was me   
**boo boo bitch:** chan and hansol were in on it too though

**hoeshi:** i’m actually dying seungkwan how could you

**rawr:** you deserved it   
**rawr:** maybe you should listen to me next time i give you ideas for the choreo

**hoeshi:** im sorry channie forgive me

**rawr:** its okay hyung i don’t forgive you but knowing that youre in pain makes me feel better

**hoeshi:** why are you so evil what did we do to you

**rawr:** for your sake, hyung, i won’t answer that

**cute fairy:** the icecream doesn’t actually taste that bad   
**cute fairy:** chilli and chocolate is a good combination   
**cute fairy:** soonyoung’s just weak

 

 

 

 

**Group- Maknaez**

**eagle 1:** hansolie just ring jisoo whenever   
**eagle 1:** preferably when we’re all in hearing distance of the ringtone

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**scoops:** what’s that song playing?   
**scoops:** jisoo, is it coming from your phone?   
**scoops:** why does it swear every two words what kind of song is this??

**jisoos take the wheel:** that’s not my ringtone normally i swear

**han solo:** damn jisoo hyung we knew you were American but we didn’t think you were this patriotic

**jisoos take the wheel:** i’m not   
**jisoos take the wheel:** i don’t know why that’s my ringtone

**han solo:** shouldn’t you be proud of your country, jisoo   
**han solo:** after all you know the most about it

**jisoos take the wheel:** you did this didn’t you   
**jisoos take the wheel:** i’m entirely unsurprised

**han solo:** i’m still salty

**jisoos take the wheel:** hansol i lived in America for so much longer than you   
**jisoos take the wheel:** obviously i’m going to know more

**han solo:** yes but i’m half American i  _ should  _ know more

**hoeshi:** this is it   
**hoeshi:** this is the argument that splits this group apart   
**hoeshi:** will seventeen ever be okay again??

**jisoos take the wheel:** it’s not that bad, soonyoung

**hoeshi:** shut up hyung my mouth is still on fire thanks to the kids

**rawr:** soonyoung hyung would you like me to cut your tongue out maybe then your mouth wouldn’t be on fire

**hoeshi:** see?? thi s group is falling apar t

**rawr:** i’m not a kid

 

 

 

 

**Group- Maknaez**

**eagle 1:** when did you become like this channie

**eagle 3:** jihoon hyung taught me a lot   
**eagle 3:** i feel bad about the airhorn hyung

**eagle 1:** too bad!! we’re getting to the good stuff now   
**eagle 1:** wonwoo hyung is probably going to lynch me for this but it will all be worth it, i swear   
**eagle 1:** also chan, you have the materials right? once hansol finishes with seokmin hyung’s stuff he’s gonna be poised and ready   
**eagle 1:** so time this perfectly

**eagle 3:** yes hyung

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**rawr:** hey mingyu hyung   
**rawr:** there’s a dog outside

**life ruiner:** WHAT AKSJDKS

**rawr:** be quick it’s leaving

**life ruiner:** WHAT KIND OF DOG I SI T CHNABI

**rawr:** uhh   
**rawr:** dalmation   
**rawr:** yes

**life ruiner:** AKJDSKJDN   
**life ruiner:** CHANNIE I LVOE UOUF IEJ   
**life ruiner:** …   
**life ruiner:** …

**lucky won:** did someone just crash?   
**lucky won:** did mingyu die? ive already got funeral plans ready

**life ruiner:** there was no dog was there   
**life ruiner:** just honey and feathers

**rawr:** sorry hyung   
**rawr:** in my defense seungkwan hyung is the mastermind behind all these

**boo boo bitch:** uh who’s the one who texted asking how easy it is to get away with murder??   
**boo boo bitch:** youre completely accountable for this chan

**almighty sun:** i take it the horse print bedsheets are seungkwan’s idea too?   
**almighty sun:** is this a horse plushie??   
**almighty sun:** with my face glued onto it???   
**almighty sun:** i hope you aren’t planning on getting it back

**boo boo bitch:** actually that was entirely hansol’s idea   
**boo boo bitch:** it was a good idea i couldn’t think of anything good enough for you

**lucky won:** and my books? who’s idea was that?

**life ruiner:** what happened to your books hyung

**boo boo bitch:** that was a collective idea the three of us came up with, therefore the blame cannot be put on any one of us   
**boo boo bitch:** the idea came from the clouds, we just executed it because really hyung, if the clouds tell you to do something you’re going to do it

**lucky won:** they wrapped each individual book in cling film and aluminium foil   
**lucky won:** how did you three even have the time to do it???

**han solo:** a little bit of dedication goes a long way   
**han solo:** have fun reading hyung!

**lucky won:** do you want to keep living??

**han solo:** you cant kill us yet hyung, you haven’t seen the last two   
**han solo:** trust me when i say it’ll all be worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minghao and jeonghan's will be in the next few chapters ;) theyre gna be great i promise u
> 
> [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1mlCPMYtPk) is the song jisoo's ringtone was changed to
> 
> i've got a romeo and juliet au (of sorts) in the works (involving svt and pristin) so stay tuned for that!!  
> adios


	5. interlude (one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final two pranks!! this is all prose, except for the last little bit  
> aaah idk how 2 feel abt this tbh,, i ran minghao's part thru a friend and she liked it butttt
> 
> (sorry ive been away, i was in central australia for a while and got back a few days ago.)  
> ((side note, i frickin loVE lilili yabbay, and chan, and every1 in performance. fuck. also, ngl, chan and seokmin are probably the only two members of seventeen that i would date (i, a whole Bi), like everyone else would just feel like an older brother or a friend to me i reckon,,))

**i- minghao**

Minghao isn’t a morning person. He doesn’t understand how Jun and Seokmin manage to wake up at six every morning and still be chipper and cheerful without drinking their weight in caffeine. Minghao himself takes almost an hour to feel decent, unless something shocking happens.

Something like seeing a picture of himself when he opens the fridge. Not just any picture, either. No, it’s one from his pre-debut times. Everyone on the planet has seen it, he thinks. The one with the white shirt, the red hand, the red lettering spelling out “Honesty feels good” in English, Minghao himself flipping the camera off with a sullen look on his face.

It’s hideous, and he can’t believe he has to face it now, of all times. He hasn’t even touched his phone yet, let alone woken up enough to rationally deal with this. Letting out a soft groan, he shuts the fridge door and rests his forehead against it, sighing deeply. Memories of that day- memories he thought he had buried deep inside his mind- flash back to him in pieces. It’s way too early for this shit.

“Haohao?” Minghao looks up at Jun, who gestures to the fridge. “I kind of need to-”

“No!” Minghao shrieks, pressing his back up against the fridge, slapping Jun’s hands away from the handle. “Do  _ not  _ look inside the fridge.”

A look of understanding falls over Jun’s face. “Did they come for you?”

Minghao nods forlornly. “All my repressed memories have resurfaced,” he mutters. Jun makes a noise of sympathy, then drags Minghao from the fridge and opens it quickly, ignoring the protests streaming from Minghao’s mouth. Then he freezes, and there’s a long pause where Minghao is glaring at Jun, whose shoulders start to shake almost imperceptibly. Then Jun is snickering, pulling out the cursed image of kid Minghao.

“You were such a thug, Haohao,” Jun says, and Minghao hits him, ripping the picture from his hands before tearing it into pieces and shoving it in the trash. They stare back at him like some kind of foul omen, sent to destroy his pride and will to live and maybe he’s being a little dramatic about this but  _ god  _ the picture is  _ bad. _

“I’m going to kill those kids one day,” he hisses. “Ten members are better than thirteen.”

Jun tugs him away from the trash can. “You don’t mean that.”

“Think about it though,” Minghao says, staring Jun dead in the eyes. “More lines, Jun.”

A strange look passes over Jun, and he widens his eyes in realisation. “Holy shit,” he whispers, “ _ more lines. _ ”

“Those kids are dead,” Minghao says, eyeing Jun. He nods, seriously.

“So fucking dead.”

“- oh, hey Jun, hey Minghao,” Jeonghan says, looking fresh and awake as he walks beside Jisoo. “Good morning! There’s a picture of you in the bathroom, by the way,” he adds, and Minghao feels his heart stop.  _ God,  _ of all the members that  _ had  _ to see the picture of him, it was Jeonghan. Jun and Minghao’s heads snap towards the direction of the bathroom in complete synchrony, and Jisoo looks almost afraid of how in unison they are.

And then Minghao is off, racing to the bathroom and shoving Seokmin (who’s only brushing his teeth, the poor thing) roughly out of the way. Minghao can just see his picture peeking out from the cabinet, and he rips it out. The tap is still running, so Minghao runs the picture under it until it dissolves into nothingness. Seokmin walks back in and continues to brush his teeth as if nothing happened.

Minghao trudges back to his room and collapses onto his bed. They have practice in an hour, but at least now he can pretend like Hansol and Chan don’t exist. He purposely avoids looking towards their beds, unlocking his phone and then promptly flinging it across the room. It almost hits Wonwoo, who’s sat up in bed with a book in hand. Instead, the phone hits Wonwoo’s book, sending it flying out of his hands and making him lose his page.

Wonwoo picks up the phone, looking horrified. “God, Minghao,” he whispers. “What the fuck is this.”

Minghao snatches his phone back from Wonwoo, ignoring the snickers coming from Hansol’s side of the room. He falls back into his bed and covers his face with his arm, blocking out the rest of the room.  _ Fuck. _

**ii- jeonghan**

“Jeonghan hyung, you can shower after me,” Chan says, and Jeonghan sticks his tongue out childishly at Wonwoo and Jun. He misses the wink Chan throws to the two. If he had noticed it, maybe he would have insisted on showering later.

Instead, he watched as Jun and Wonwoo walk away, feeling a strange sense of pride. Maybe because Chan chose him over those two. No, it’s  _ definitely  _ because Chan chose him over Jun and Wonwoo. He walks into the bathroom with the same sense of pride, slipping out of his clothes and stepping into the shower, turning it to the hottest temperature.

_ Bliss. _

He lets the water soak into his hair, lathering it with shampoo and then conditioning it, smiling at the way the water feels against his skin. Jeonghan doesn’t think he’ll ever stop being grateful for hot showers after long days, the hot water soothing his muscles and relaxing him to a state close to drowsiness. He stands under the water for a few more minutes (maybe ten, maybe fifteen, but it’s definitely not twenty. He’s not  _ that  _ much of an asshole) before he shuts the water off, grabbing his towel and wrapping it around him snugly. It’s then, when he’s drying himself off, that he notices something is off. His arms feel sticky, in fact, his entire body feels sticky, as if he hadn’t just cleaned himself thoroughly in the shower.

“Chan?” he calls out. The reply comes sooner than Jeonghan would have expected. “Did you notice anything strange about the water?” he asks, grimacing at the stickiness of his skin. “My skin is all sticky.”

“The water was fine for me, hyung,” Chan says, his voice sounding all too sweet. “Maybe you haven’t dried off enough.”

A hint of suspicion nudges at the corners of Jeonghan’s mind, but he shrugs it off and continues to wipe at his skin. He’s too tired, all he wants to do is brush his teeth and blow dry his hair and go the fuck to sleep. He’s not sure if he replied to Chan’s suggestion, but decides that he probably did, giving up on his skin and wrapping his towel around his waist. He reaches for a toothbrush and toothpaste and starts brushing.

It’s only when he opens his mouth slightly that he sees the bright blue shade of the toothpaste, and thus his teeth, and he lets out a rather unbecoming squawk that he really,  _ really  _  hoped the others didn’t hear. Hurriedly, he spits out the toothpaste, but it’s too late. His entire mouth is a bright, fuck-you blue, and it probably isn’t going away for a while.

(He doesn’t hear the snickering coming from right outside the door, doesn’t sense Dino frantically clamping his hand over Hansol’s mouth to stop him from laughing obnoxiously loudly.)

Dropping the toothbrush, he holds the toothpaste close to his face, trying to find specks of blue dye that would indicate anything being tampered with. Nothing. Even when he squeezes some onto the sink and rubs at it (which, uh,  _ ew,  _ but desperate times call for desperate measures). For a few seconds, he’s confused, until he spots his toothbrush, still lying where he had dropped it, and he runs it under the tap. His suspicions are confirmed when he sees the water turn blue as it runs off the brush.

And, holy fucking shit, he’s going to have to sleep with sticky skin and blue teeth. He hasn’t even dried his hair yet. Letting himself slump forward slightly, he goes to plug his hairdryer in, before realising it already is.

Normally, if his brain was functioning normally, he would instantly be suspicious. Even now, he  _ should _ be, because damn Jeonghan, if two things were already sabotaged then surely the third thing  _ wouldn’t be,  _ would it?

Ignoring the tiny warning signs going off in his brain, and against his better judgement, he points the hairdryer to his hair and switches it on. Because what are the chances that this would also be sabotaged?

Pretty fucking high, if the talcum powder exploding in his face says anything about it. And- is that  _ glitter?  _ And it’s now that Jeonghan realises why his brain has been trying to warn him this entire time, because the door is open and Chan and Hansol and Seungkwan are laughing at his begrudged face, their own expressions filled with mirth.

**Group- Say the name…**

**lucky won:** you’re right

**lucky won:** that was entertaining as shit

**lucky won:** thanks hansol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks 4 all the comments n kudos!! keep em coming, i love when i get them xx


	6. pledis daily hype sesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what even is this chapter i dont know  
> i love pristin and thats the only reason theyre here tbfh
> 
> pledis vocal nicknames are:  
> seungyeon: ;)  
> yewon: pure  
> eunwoo: extraester  
> seokmin: sunshine  
> seungkwan: hunty  
> dongho: a soft

**Group- hyung line (best line)**

**hannie:** this is unacceptable   
**hannie:** i can’t believe we let KIDS one up us

**jihoonie:** it was pretty funny   
**jihoonie:** especially yours hyung

**hannie:** just because you forgave chan .2 seconds after he apologised

**haohao:** i want to leave this group   
**haohao:** please never speak to me again   
**haohao:** and burn every picture of me you have in your possession

**hannie:** i’m comin with you minghao   
**hannie:** we’ll create the new Dynamic Duo   
**hannie:** watch us steal all carats

**haohao:** okay   
**haohao:** bye jun

**joshuji:** but if you leave how will we justify our name   
**joshuji:** don’t ruin that

**haohao:** ok hyung and what do you propose we do instead??

**joshuji:** idk i hadn’t thought that far ahead

**hannie:** i have an idea   
**hannie:** but we cant do it for a few weeks   
**hannie:** we need the kids to think theyre safe

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**_lucky won_ ** _ has changed  _ **_life ruiner’s_ ** _ name to  _ **_dog kin uwu_ **

**dog kin uwu:** wtf

**lucky won:** ;)

 

 

 

 

**Group- dick city**

**double d:** minghao please join got7 you dance better than yugyeom

**dancing d:** BITCH

**d-boy:** only if mark hyung can join seventeen   
**d-boy:** he raps better than mingyu

**rap d:** what is this disrespect   
**rap d:** why not target seokmin

**d-boy:** why the fuck would i target seokmin   
**d-boy:** why would i willingly make The Literal Sun cry

**rap d:** shit   
**rap d:** you right

**sunshine d:** i wouldn’t cry   
**sunshine d:** you can target me if you like

**d-boy:** no.

**sunshine d:** okay i’m not going to complain

**golden d:** oh do you really have that One Person in your group   
**golden d:** all my hyungs are shitheads

**rap d:** even jimin hyung?

**golden d:** jimin can suck it   
**golden d:** he’s a punk

**dancing d:** we have youngjae hyung!

**double b:** youngjae hyung deserves everything

**dancing d:** one time jinyoung told me to insult youngjae hyung and i just slapped jinyoung and then ran and hid

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**boo boo bitch:** hey did you know minghao hyung’s phone passcode is jun hyung’s birthday

**infinitea:** yeah and seungkwan’s password is hansol’s dick size so what

**dog kin uwu:** whats seungkwans passcode

**infinitea:** 0000

**substandard kim heechul:** holy shi t   
**substandard kim heechul:** things xu minghao did:   
**substandard kim heechul:** THAT

**han solo:** wait why am i being attacked too

**infinitea:** we all know you and seungkwan worked together on this   
**infinitea:** besides   
**infinitea:** with how much youre together youre basically one person

**boo boo bitch:** it’s not like he was lying, hansolie

**han solo:** seungkwan why

**boo boo bitch:** iw as KIDDING

**han solo:** babe…

**boo boo bitch:** wow since when did you call me babe

**han solo:** uhhh since now

**boo boo bitch:** disgusting   
**boo boo bitch:** i love it   
**boo boo bitch:** do it again

**lucky won:** we get it youre happy and in love

**boo boo bitch:** you could be too hyung   
**boo boo bitch:** if you stopped pretending you hate mingyu hyung

**lucky won:** i do hate him   
**lucky won:** he is the human embodiment of everything i can’t stand

**boo boo bitch:** the more you hate the more you love!

**lucky won:** the more i hate the more i hate

**rawr:** aren’t you best friends though

**lucky won:** yeah   
**lucky won:** can still hate him

**boo boo bitch:** you ‘hate’ him but you would still do anything for him   
**boo boo bitch:** don’t lie to me, hyung   
**boo boo bitch:** i saw how fast you forgave him for the book incident

**lucky won:** whatever

 

 

 

 

**Private Message [boo] + [woo]**

**boo:** hyung   
**boo:** you don’t hate mingyu hyung at all, do you?

**woo:** no   
**woo:** i don’t

**boo:** why do you tell everyone you do then?

**woo:** it’s easier

**boo:** easier than what

**woo:** it doesn’t matter   
**woo:** just forget about it

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**rawr:** did it just start raining out of nowhere   
**rawr:** nice

**boo boo bitch:** not nice

**scoops:** is everyone at the dorm?   
**scoops:** i can only see jeonghan, jisoo, chan, hansol and mingyu from here

**boo boo bitch:** i am now   
**boo boo bitch:** i’m soaked   
**boo boo bitch:** i think i was struck by lightning

**rawr:** if you were struck by lightning you’d be dead, hyung   
**rawr:** or at least unconscious   
**rawr:** and there’d be a really cool scar where the lightning struck you and also where it exited your body

**boo boo bitch:** how do you even know that

**rawr:** i thought everyone knew that

**boo boo bitch:** no??

**scoops:** so all the kids are fine, that’s good

**rawr:** not a kid

**boo boo bitch:** i wouldn’t call this fine but okay

**lucky won:** i’m okay papi

**scoops:** please never call me that again

**_lucky won_ ** _ has changed  _ **_scoops’s_ ** _ name to  _ **_papi scoops_ **

**papi scoops:** …   
**papi scoops:** whatever

**infinitea:** me and jun are in our room   
**infinitea:** he’s scared of thunder   
**infinitea:** it’s kind of cute

**lucky won:** whats this??   
**lucky won:** a rare Soft Minghao??   
**lucky won:** screenshotted

**infinitea:** no you’re seeing things   
**infinitea:** you’re half blind anyway

**lucky won:** wow i’m

**dog kin uwu:** wonWOW

**lucky won:** loterlly shut the fukc u p

**papi scoops:** okay   
**papi scoops:** seokmin, jihoon, soonyoung?

**almighty sun:** i’m in the bathroom!

**boo boo bitch:** ew you take your phone into the toilet with you??

**seokmin:** no you heathen i’m brushing my teeth

**hoeshi:** i’m in the practice room   
**hoeshi:** jihoon is in the studio   
**hoeshi:** i think we’re gonna wait out the storm here

 

 

 

 

**Private Message [soon] + [jihoonie]**

**soon:** hey jihoonie   
**soon:** you feeling okay? i know you don’t like thunderstorms

**jihoonie:** i have headpjknes on they block out most ofth e nois e

**soon:** you want me to come in anyway?

**jihoonie:** please

**soon:** okay xx

 

 

 

 

**Group- Leaders**

**s coups:** the rain’s stopped now   
**s coups:** soonyoung, jihoon, are you gonna come back now?

**s coups:** are you guys there?

**s coups:** i’m coming to check on you

**s coups:** oh   
**s coups:** that’s cute

 

 

 

 

**Group- 95s**

**cheol:** jihoon and soonyoung are cuddling in the studio

**hannie:** my babies,

**joshuji:** scale of one to ten how cute?

**cheol:** this cant be measured, shua

**joshuji:** soonji is sailing oh my

**hannie:** i thought it was soonhoon

**joshuji:** soonji sounds better

**hannie:** whatever   
**hannie:** cheol, send pics

**cheol:** okay wait   
**cheol:** NVM theyre waking up i’m leaving   
**cheol:** speak of this to no one   
**cheol:** don’t talk to them about it either   
**cheol:** they’re in denial about a lot of things   
**cheol:** not that you two are any better

**joshuji:** what’s that supposed to mean?

**cheol:** nothing

 

 

 

 

**Group- Say the name…**

**boo boo bitch:** hey not to be controversial but,,   
**boo boo bitch:** tangled is better than frozen

**archangel:** i’m disowning you

**boo boo bitch:** what

**archangel:** you’ve betrayed me as a child   
**archangel:** i birthed you and this is how you repay me??

**boo boo bitch:** hyung   
**boo boo bitch:** frozen fucking sucks

**archangel:** fuck you

**jisoos take the wheel:** seungkwan   
**jisoos take the wheel:** watch your language

**boo boo bitch:** what about jeonghan hyung though

**jisoos take the wheel:** sorry i’m blind i cant see i don’t know

**almighty sun:** tangled is better

**hoeshi:** tangled is by far the more superior film

**boo boo bitch:** see jeonghan hyung   
**boo boo bitch:** when the literal sun says so, it is

**jisoos take the wheel:** i like frozen better   
**jisoos take the wheel:** the songs are better

**mingyu:** so are the songs in tangled   
**mingyu:** your point is invalid

**cute fairy:** why is this even a debate   
**cute fairy:** tangled is obviously better

**papi scoops:** i always preferred frozen

**lucky won:** you disgust me, hyung

**han solo:** this just in: 95 line are heathens

**boo boo bitch:** our own parents,, have disappointed us

**_archangel_ ** _ has changed the group name to  _ **_95s and the snakes_ **

**boo boo bitch:** wtf

**substandard kim heechul:** i like frozen

**infinitea:** im breaking up with you

**substandard kim heechul:** i take that back tangled is and will always be superior

**archangel:** you all are snakes

 

 

 

 

**Group- Pledis Main Vocals**

**;) :** psa   
**;) :** when i first heard seungkwan oppa sing i doubted my gayness

**hunty:** psa   
**hunty:** when i first heard seungyeon sing i died, went to heaven and came back to life just to hear her voice again

**;) :** these tears,,, are tears of Pure Joy   
**;) :** but wait   
**;) :** the Most Important psa…   
**;) :** the mv for where you at was released on 10/10   
**;) :** an it really is a 10/10

**extraester:** i would die for dongho hyung’s vocals   
**extraester:** to be entirely honest

**a soft:** please don’t die for any of our vocals   
**a soft:** besides, we’re all just happy that nobody has any doubt about where we might end up now

**sunshine:** we’re all really proud of you hyung!   
**sunshine:** we had a viewing party in the dorm when the mv was released

**a soft:** thankyou seokmin   
**a soft:** we all kind of cant believe it   
**a soft:** it feels so nice to finally be going somewhere

**pure:** your vocals are incredible oppa!   
**pure:** everyone’s are   
**pure:** pledis really nailed it when it comes to vocals   
**pure:** i get really happy when i hear you all singing

**;) :** hey yewon   
**;) :** are you thinking what i’m thinking?

**pure:** i think i am seungyeon

**;) :** we should all form a unit together

**extraester:** and slay everyone’s existence six times over?   
**extraester:** i’m in

**a soft:** yes please

**hunty:** what would we call ourselves

**sunshine:** baby v   
**sunshine:** cause we’re all young   
**sunshine:** and main vocals

**extraester:** sounds pretentious i love it

**_a soft_ ** _ has changed the group name to  _ **_baby v_ **

**a soft:** it’s set in stone now

**hunty:** this really is the Best Group   
**hunty:** i love our daily hype up sessions

 

 

 

 

**Group- 95s and the snakes**

**jisoos take the wheel:** how do you make someone holy   
**jisoos take the wheel:** you beat the hell out of them

**papi scoops:** is that why you’re kicking jeonghan right now?

**jisoos take the wheel:** :)

**papi scoops:** stop that

**jisoos take the wheel:** he is unholy, cheol   
**jisoos take the wheel:** he deserve s this

**papi scoops:** what did he do

**jisoos take the wheel:** “hey joshuji, have you seen daddy anywhere?”

**papi scoops:** wha tthe fukc

**jisoos take the wheel:** i will not allow any use of that word in this house

**papi scoops:** jeonghan   
**papi scoops:** i’m kicking you out of the group

**lucky won:** the evil is defeated!

**cute fairy:** ding dong   
**cute fairy:** the witch is dead

**archangel:** ittw as a joKE

**jisoos take the wheel:** do you think i care??   
**jisoos take the wheel:** i never want to hear you say that ever again

**archangel:** im osrury please sotop kcikcnig mee

**jisoos take the wheel:** no.

**cute fairy:** can i join   
**cute fairy:** i’ve never had an opportunity as great as this

**jisoos take the wheel:** feel free

**archangel:** nonodnioio ont jihoooni id oindjjtntdkssjisk

**cute fairy:** too late

**archangel:** IMFNF SORURY I DONNT WNASNT TO DIEIJE

**cute fairy:** bye, jeonghan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos  
> dont forget to comment, i love reading comments!!


	7. kittens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man it's.. been a while  
> this is a kinda bad chapter too, i'm sorry x10000  
> i had exams, then ive been at the beach a while. i've also been working on a few other things, so expect that too haha :)

**Group- 95s and the snakes**

**substandard kim heechul:** i have a question

**cute fairy:** you can’t pick me up again

**substandard kim heechul:** that’s not what i was gonna ask

**cute fairy:** sure

**substandard kim heechul:** :(

**substandard kim heechul:** if i’m substandard kim heechul then why isn’t jihoonie substandard min yoongi

**cute fairy:** because i’m not substandard

**cute fairy:** bitch

**substandard kim heechul:** :(

**archangel:** that gives me an idea…

**jisoos take the wheel:** hannie

**jisoos take the wheel:** stop

**_archangel_ ** _ has changed  _ **_cute fairy’s_ ** _ name to  _ **_mini min yoongi_ **

**archangel:** whoops too late

**mini min yoongi:** it’s better than before

**mini min yoongi:** i’ll accept it

**archangel:** what no that’s not what i wanted

**_archangel_ ** _ has changed  _ **_mini min yoongi’s_ ** _ name to  _ **_squish_ **

**squish:** fuck you

**jisoos take the wheel:** jihoon..

**squish:** sorry

**squish:** fuck you, hyung

**jisoos take the wheel:** …

**rawr:** didn’t jihoon hyung kill jeonghan hyung like last week?

**rawr:** why is he still here

**archangel:** are you saying you  _ want  _ me dead, channie?

**rawr:** i’m saying my life would be easier if you were, hyung

**archangel:** i’m a bad bitch

**archangel:** you can’t kill me

**lucky won:** \- predebut xu minghao

**infinitea:** do you want to die hyung

**lucky won:** sometimes

**squish:** big mood

**_lucky won_ ** _ has changed  _ **_infinitea’s_ ** _ name to  _ **_thughao_ **

**thughao:** hyung…

**lucky won:** just do it, minghao

**lucky won:** end my life right now

**squish:** bigger mood

**substandard kim heechul:** no

**substandard kim heechul:** murder is bad

**substandard kim heechul:** don’t kill my best friend haohao

**substandard kim heechul:** he doesn’t deserve to die

**archangel:** also if you kill wonwoo we’ll never be able to justify seventeen

**substandard kim heechul:** holy shit hyung that should not be the sole reason to not kill someone

**archangel:** i beg to differ

 

 

 

 

**Group- dick city**

**d-boy:** jun is like coffee

**double d:** dark?

**ghost d:** bitter?

**d-boy:** no and no

**golden d:** no one likes him without changing at least one aspect about him?

**d-boy:** okay that’s just a straight up lie

**d-boy:** no i meant

**d-boy:** he makes me want to get up in the mornings

**golden d:** what kind of sappy ass bullshit

**rap d:** shut the fuck up john cock

**rap d:** let him be soft this is an incredibly rare occurrence

**golden d:** i have literally never been more insulted how dare you butcher my name like that

**rap d:** you deserve it

**sunshine d:** soft hao only happens once every fifty years this is truly a great moment

**golden d:** oh but when i want to act soft you all tell me to shut up

**golden d:** what are these double standards

**_double d_ ** _ has removed  _ **_golden d_ ** _ from the chat _

**double d:** minghao! tell us more

**double d:** what’s got u in this mood

**d-boy:** jun is very comfortable

**d-boy:** he’s soft and warm and makes me feel soft and warm

**d-boy:** and he makes me feel better about not being able to perform with everyone else

**double d:** holy shit

**double d:** need me a freak like that

 

 

 

 

**Private Message [mingyu] + [john cock]**

**john cock:** add me back

**mingyu:** no

**john cock:** please

**john cock:** yugyeom already refused :(

**john cock:** and bambam

**john cock:** and seokminnie

**mingyu:** .. was i the last person you turned to

**john cock:** uhm no

**john cock:** i haven’t asked jaehyun yet

**mingyu:** because jaehyun’s sensible enough to know not to add you back

**mingyu:** dumbass

**john cock:** ..

**john cock:** so will u add me back or...

**mingyu:** no wtf

**mingyu:** im insulted you thought of me last

**john cock:** gyu.. please..

**mingyu:** bye

 

 

 

 

**Group- 95s and the snakes**

**lucky won:** hey mingyu

**lucky won:** do you remember that time you said you always wanted us to get a dog?

**dog kin uwu:** and then you hit me and said that if you were going to be forced into living with “one of those creatures” you would leave the group

**lucky won:** yes yes that’s not important

**lucky won:** anyway

**lucky won:** guess what…

**dog kin uwu:** hyung

**dog kin uwu:** you didn’t

**lucky won:** yeah you’re right i didn’t

**lucky won:** but you got excited didn’t you

**dog kin uwu:** fuck you

**lucky won:** did you really think i would willingly bring a dog in here

**dog kin uwu:** maybe i just thought that you had changed for the better, hyung

**lucky won:** n e v e r

**dog kin uwu:** fine i’ll just ask our parents

**archangel:** no.

**dog kin uwu:** what do you mean no

**archangel:** no we’re not getting a dog

**jisoos take the wheel:** i agree we’re not getting a dog any time soon

**dog kin uwu:** seungcheol hyung.. can we get a dog

**papi scoops:** no

**lucky won:** can we get a cat?

**archangel:** no

**papi scoops:** no

**jisoos take the wheel:** i mean..

**jisoos take the wheel:** i don’t see why not

**dog kin uwu:** what is this.. betrayal

**lucky won:** ohmygosh good because i saw this cute stray the other day and i really think she needs a home, you know i’ve been feeding her a lot this past week and she’s started following me places and she definitely didn’t follow me home today haha

**papi scoops:** wonwoo..

**papi scoops:** did you or did you not smuggle a cat into our dorm?

**lucky won:** well i wouldnt really call it smuggling, more like i left the front door open just long enough that she could walk through it?

**papi scoops:** jesus fucking christ

**lucky won:** i think she’s pregnant too, hyung, i can’t just leave her outside in the cold while she’s carrying babies!

**rawr:** oh my god kittens?

**rawr:** seungcheol hyung can we keep them please

**papi scoops:** no.

**rawr:** what if i get everyone to sign a petition to keep at least One kitten

**papi scoops:** ..

**papi scoops:** but where will the other kittens go?

**rawr:** easy!

**rawr:** siyeon mentioned that pristin’s been wanting a pet

**rawr:** we can give all the other kittens to them

**papi scoops:** i dont know..

**jisoos take the wheel:** aw come on cheol

**jisoos take the wheel:** you know everyone’s going to sign the petition anyway

**papi scoops:** i’ll think about it

**rawr:** YES

**lucky won:** youre my favourite hyung seungcheol

 

 

 

 

**Group- Pledis babies**

**channie:** so..

**channie:** if i told you that we might soon have kittens for you guys what would you say

**baesoong:** define ‘might soon have kittens’

**channie:** wonwoo hyung found a stray cat who is possibly pregnant

**channie:** but we can only keep one of the kittens

**ddidi:** oh my gosh did i hear kittens???

**ddidi:** chan oppa youre not lying are you??

**channie:** nop

**ddidi:** can we really keep the kittens??

**ddidi:** seungyeon unnie can we keep wonwoo oppa’s cat’s kittens?

**baesoong:** you know you need to ask nayeon unnie about that

**ddidi:** okay fine let me rephrase

**ddidi:** can you ask nayeon unnie if we can keep wonwoo oppa’s cat’s kittens?

**baesoong:** why can’t you do it

**baesoong:** im not sure unnie will agree to anything i suggest

**ddidi:** i’m about to skype kyla as soon as she wakes up thats why

**ddidi:** yewon unnie~

**yehaha:** yes?

**ddidi:** can you read the chat and then ask nayeon if we can keep kittens?

**yehaha:** oh my gosh kittens?

**yehaha:** of course i will ! i love kittens

**ddidi:** thankyou unnie!!


	8. Trouble in Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent updated this in a Hot minute !! whoops!!  
> anyway i wasnt planning 2 update but this had 2 be done
> 
> in case u dont know the chinaline gc names (the ones that appear, at least):  
> #1 zhu zhengting stan - jun  
> pinky pie - kyulkyung  
> dolphinle - chenle  
> mull8 - minghao  
> stan talent stan moomin - renjun  
> all i do is winwinwin - winwin

**CHAPTER WHATEVER- TROUBLE IN PARADISE**

**Group- dickcity**

**_double d_ ** _ has changed the group name to  _ **_There’s a Snake In This Group_ **

**_double d_ ** _ has changed  _ **_d-boy’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_Snake_ **

**ghost d:** woah.. u okay bro?

**double d:** I just think it’s really funny how the people you would take a bullet for are sometimes the ones behind the trigger.

**dance d:** oh don’t worry, hes going thru his emo phase again

**double d:** It’s better to have an Enemy who honestly says they Hate you.

**Snake:** yo

**Snake:** what’d i do

**double d:** I’m not crying Because of You. You’re not worth it.

**Snake:** why are u using betrayal quotes what did i Do

**double d:** I’ve been Stabbed in the back by those I needed Most.

**Snake:** ..

**Snake:** bye

**double d:** It takes years to build up Trust, but only seconds to Destroy it.

**sunshine d:** aww Bambam what happened?

**double d:** Xu Minghao, The Snake, didn’t follow me back.

**Snake:** oh. u followed me? i didn’t notice lol

**double d:** I TEXTED YOU ABOUT IT

**Snake:** read: 9:02 pm

**double d:** blocked reported deleted

**double d:** friendship Ended with Minghao

**double d:** now Bang Chan is my best friend

**dance d:** what about me..

**double d:** bitch u have jungkook And mingyu don’t be greedy

**dance d:** damn ok…

**dance d:** i see how it is..

**sunshine d:** i’m sorry Bambam but.. hao isn’t going to follow you

**double d:** Oh And Why Is That?

**sunshine d:** he’s exclusively only following mingyu

**rap d:** the People need to realise that gyuhao is the Strongest force out there

**golden d:** minghao has a bf tho??

**rap d:** yeah so??? me and hao are soulmates

**rap d:** brothers from another mother

**rap d:** BFFLs

**golden d:** ..point taken, goodbye

**double d:** Oh I See How It Is.

**double d:** This Chat Is Full Of Fake Hoes.

**Snake:** lol im sorry bam

**double d:** What He Say

**Snake:** u, rly blocked me..

**Snake:** ok bye bitch

 

 

 

 

**Group – Idol Producer Support Group**

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** hey jie

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** jie

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** jieqiong

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** kyulkyung

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** pinky

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** oh glorious dance mentor,

**pinky pie:** yes junhui?

**# zhu zhengting stan:** pls tell xukun and zhengting that i love and support them

**pinky pie:** … oh my god

**pinky pie:** u tell me EVERY DAY

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** uh yeah

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** bc i cant text them myself?? and they need to Know that i Love and Support them

**pinky pie:** … fine, whatever

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** <3

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** i knew i could trust u

**dolphinle:** tell quanzhe i support him too!!

**pinky pie:** of course i will i tell him that every day

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** woah

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** this is Blatant favouritism

**pinky pie:** jun..

**pinky pie:** chenle is a Cute child

**pinky pie:** you are… you

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** haohao

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** u prefer me over chenle, right?

**mull8:** .. no

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** gasp!

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** my own Boyfriend.. against me!

**mull8:** maybe if u didn’t physically type the word gasp in our conversations

**mull8:** but also, junnie, tell me u would choose me over chenle and i will change my mind

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** ..

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** .. i stand corrected

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** chenle is,, a sweet baby child

**dolphinle:** aww gege

 

 

 

 

**Group – There’s A Snake In This Group**

**_double d_ ** _ has changed the group name to  _ **_we’re all children of jesus_ **

**_double d_ ** _ has changed  _ **_Snake’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_haohao_ **

**_double d_ ** _ has changed  _ **_rap d’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_gyu_ **

**_double d_ ** _ has changed  _ **_sunshine d’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_dokyeom_ **

**_double d_ ** _ has changed his nickname to  _ **_bammie_ **

**_double d_ ** _ has changed  _ **_dance d’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_yug_ **

**_double d_ ** _ has changed  _ **_golden d’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_kook_ **

**_double d_ ** _ has changed  _ **_ghost d’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_jaehyunnie_ **

**bammie:** alright everyone

**yug:** woah… so you’ve forgiven hao?

**bammie:** forgive what?

**yug:** … what u said last night

**bammie:** i don remember

**bammie:** mustve been drunk

**yug:** u don’t drink

**bammie:** jackson gave me some

**yug:** no he didn’t ho

**bammie:** anyways,,,

**bammie:** i want to introduce a New member of our Elite 97 Line Squad

**kook:** is it winwin

**bammie:** no but he’s always welcome here

**jaehyun:** i’ll go ask him brb

**bammie:** ok cool so anyway,,

**bammie:** this new member,, has not technically debuted  yet

**yug:** oh

**yug:** chan

**bammie:** bingo!

**haohao:** oh is he the Australian one

**bammie:** double bingo!

**haohao:** the one u said was ur best friend instead of me?

**bammie:** ..i don’t recall

**jaehyun:** hey so sicheng just said something in mandarin and walked off

**haohao:** i got this jaehyunnie

**haohao:** let me ask him

**jaehyun:** u can ask him?

**haohao:** am literally in a chat with all ur group’s china line but ok

**jaehyun:** oh.. right

**bammie:** ANYWAY

**bammie:** back to Me and my Best Mate

**bammie:** he’s debuting soon and he’s going to join this chat

**haohao:** .. i asked sicheng and he replied in japanese..

**haohao:** chenle said he said something like “sorry i don’t speak chinese”

**bammie:** …

**haohao:** sorry please continue

**bammie:** thankyou

**bammie:** anyway i will be adding him now so be on your best behaviour

**haohao:** ur the worst behaved here

**bammie:** … First Of All… bitch..

**dokyeom:** Hot Tea

**kook:** just add him, bam

**kook:** before another fight breaks out

**bammie:** am literally doing that right now

**_bammie_ ** _ has added  _ **_Bang Chan_ ** _ to the chat _

**_bammie_ ** _ has changed  _ **_Bang Chan’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_chris_ **

**chris:** hi

 

 

 

 

**Group – Idol Producer Support Group**

**mull8:** hey sicheng

**mull8:** why are you so against joining our group

**all i do is winwinwin:** the 97 line?

**mull8:** yeah

**all i do is winwinwin:** i’ve seen messages from it

**all i do is winwinwin:** it scares me

**all i do is winwinwin:** half of nct is kinky as fuck and i don’t need more kinky fuckers around me

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** don’t swear in front of the kids!

**stan talent stan moomin:** we aren’t kids

**stan talent stan moomin:** stop trying to keep this pg

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** just because ur doing a delinquent concept

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** does not mean u are no longer children

**dolphinle:** it’s natural for people to swear though, gege

**dolphinle:** it relieves pain!

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** oh my darling sweet child i love you

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** sichengie,, can i adopt chenle

**mull8:** hold up. we didn’t talk about this

**mull8:** im not ready to be a dad

**all i do is winwinwin:** the day you steal chenle from me is the day i have failed my ancestors

**all i do is winwinwin:** he is My child.

**#1 zhu zhengting stan:** hmm…

**all i do is winwinwin:** and so is renjunnie, back off

**stan talent stan moomin:** thanks gege

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bambam unfollowing mignhao is literally the funniest thing i laughed for a Whole thirty minutes when i found out jsjbdj
> 
> also u guys should watch idol producer! support my boys quanzhe and zhengting,, 
> 
> dont forget 2 leave comments, kudos aka happy points

**Author's Note:**

> come yell @ me abt seventeen (& pristin & twice) on tumblr: [jelliedubu](http://www.jelliedubu.tumblr.com) :)


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